Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize