He disabled his match.com account in front of me
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
