Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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