I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
