allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
