the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
