Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
