Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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