After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
