his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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