Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
