I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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