Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I have fence marks all over my body
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
