hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
