The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
