And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
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