I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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