Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
