your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
