My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
My Sexting was not on an AP level
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
