you guys were way drunker than both of me
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize