i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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