I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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