I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
