we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
