Where is the hickey?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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