im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
a search helicopter?!
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
