I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize