I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
