OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
