drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
