I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
