the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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