Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
