I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
