No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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