As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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