I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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