im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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