I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
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