i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Is it because I queefed?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Randomize
