Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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