Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
