i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize
