She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
