My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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