so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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