wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
