kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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