she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
