Plan B is the new Plan A
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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