if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
