I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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