i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
