I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
