...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
