wakey wakey hands off snakey
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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