i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize