If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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