Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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