I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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