Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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