I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
