oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
