Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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